Being a foreigner in Japan is a double-edged sword. On the one hand, you're not expected to conform to all the intricate rules of etiquette that Japanese schoolchildren know by heart, whether they're at a café, on the street, or at home. You're a guest, and guests are treated very well. On the other hand, blending in isn't simply a matter of using chopsticks effortlessly or ingratiating yourself with a quick bow and a nice gift. Of course, the effort to go beyond these basics is very much appreciated, so the more you know, the better you'll come off.
Ordering
Upon entering the restaurant, tell the chef, "Yuroshiku," which means, "Please take care of us." You should order as quickly as possible and eat the sushi the minute it comes out; the chef will like to move things along. "Don't chat with your friends," says Shimbo. "Just eat, and then say 'Yummy!'—something every chef likes to hear." There is no set sushi meal; rather, the chef will propose (and you should accept) the season's freshest offerings.
Miso Soup
Generally, you will not be given a spoon. Fish out the bits of food with your chopsticks and then drink the liquid in a few quick drafts.
Wasabi
Bottled wasabi (the kind you'll find at cheap conveyor-belt places) is generally just seasoned horseradish. The real thing is grated with a stone off a large green root. You should ALMOST NEVER blend soy sauce and wasabi. It destroys the root's potency and results in a muddle of flavors, which may be to your taste but is not the proper way to eat sushi.
Ginger and Garnish
Ginger is used as a palate cleanser between pieces of fish, not as a sushi topping. Eat all the garnish as well; it's thought to aid digestion.
Beer and Sake
Do not pour either for yourself; pour for your companion and then he or she will do the same for you. Men hold the bottle with one hand when pouring; women use both hands.
How Not to Handle Your Chopsticks: Four Easy Pointers
DON'T rub them together in a nice restaurant. You only do this in dives, where separating them creates splinters. The rounded kind need no rubbing, and doing so implies you think the restaurant is cheap.
DON'T point them at anyone. This is considered even ruder than pointing your fork at someone in a fancy Western restaurant.
DON'T stick them perpendicularly into your rice or anything else. This symbolizes death, because chopsticks are stuck into the urn of a family member's ashes during a funeral ceremony.
DON'T leave them lying around when not in use. Place them parallel to the table, below your plate, with the business ends on the small ceramic block provided or on a stand made from the sleeve they came in.
The Business Meeting
Greetings
Most Japanese businessmen offer handshakes to Americans and other foreigners. Don't bow unless they do so first.
Exchanging Business Cards
It's very important that yours be crisp, clean, and presentable; you will be handing them out often. A card should be offered with both hands, and received with either your right hand or with both. Look at it long enough to convey that you're processing the presenter's name and rank and the importance of his or her title—even if you don't know what it means.
Seating Arrangements
Always wait to be seated by your host. Seating is very specific to relative positions in a company. Once seated, Japanese businessmen usually line up their cards to reflect the seating arrangement around the table, one above the next, very neatly, so they will know to whom they're speaking and his or her place in the hierarchy. At the end of the meeting, pick up the cards but keep them in the same order, so you can remember who said what. And never make notes on the cards themselves.
Coffee or Tea
You either will or won't get milk (accept your beverage however it comes). You must sip at least a little of it, to signal that you're interested in hearing what others at the meeting have to say: If you don't take any sips, your associates will find you disengaged or unreceptive. If you're not a caffeine drinker, you must explicitly explain that.
The End of the Meeting
Usually it is not as strictly defined as the beginning. If you have somewhere else to be, tell your hosts in advance so they can plan accordingly. You'll know that the meeting is over when others begin picking up their cards from the table.
The Lesson: The Art of the Bow
There are three types of bows in Japan; you'll be using the first almost exclusively. Here's who they're for…
115 degrees (a quick dip of the head and shoulders)
For neighbors and friends.
230 degrees
For saying good morning to a colleague, thanking a boss for assigning you a task, or entering an important meeting.
345 degrees (really bending at the waist)
For the president of a company, when showing deep appreciation or sympathy, or upon greeting the emperor. This one is reserved for rare occasions and is considered disturbing or disingenuous when overused.
Gender Politics: Women Only
Regrettably for some, deep gender differences persist in Japan. Here are a few things you should expect to see, and do
When bowing, women should hold their hands flat against the body, with fingers clasped. Men should hold their arms straight against their sides, palms against the legs.
Serve and hold any drink such as tea, sake, beer: with two hands (one supporting the bottom of the cup, the other holding it by the handle or around the middle). Men should not do this; it's considered effeminate.
Women close their kimonos or robes right over left; men do the opposite.
In a mixed group, women are expected to serve the men drinks, then each other.
Don't wear heavy perfume to a sushi bar. Chefs think it disturbs the palate.
Tipping is allowed
That is, when it's truly merited—especially at full-service traditional Japanese inns and restaurants. But it's not for show, says Fautt, "it's done off where people don't see it." Take your server aside, compliment him, and hand over the money, folded several times, in one of the small envelopes that are sold in local stores. He may refuse once or twice, but keep insisting. If he refuses a third time, chances are he genuinely doesn't want it. This holds true even at places like the Hyatt. Rumors that tipping isn't allowed at big hotels aren't true—there's just no policy, and it should be done very discreetly.
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